A Midnight Confession
@sexygaystweet • I wish I could say my coming out story was normal, but I can't. Whose is, though?
I told my friends in high school (actually on April Fool's Day), and I never hid it from anyone in college. So that left my family, mainly my mom, whom I'm really close to. All my friends encouraged me to just bite the bullet and tell her, but I had reservations. I didn't want her thinking of me differently. It was silly, I know, but that fear loomed in the back of my mind for years. I told them, and myself, that I'd tell her when I found a guy I'd want to come out for.
Then it happened. I found a guy I truly cared for. Well, I thought I did, but that's another story entirely. I started dating him (officially) in September 2014. I wanted to spend every waking (and sleeping) minute I could with him. I kept it from my mom for about five months. I could tell something was growing between my boyfriend and me, but I didn't know what it was. He just didn't seem that interested anymore. So I asked him about it, and he basically said one of the reasons was because I hadn't told my mom about him. He felt a little ostracized around the holidays because he couldn't spend them with me since I wasn't out.
I felt horrible. Unknowingly, I was letting the first real relationship I had go down the drain. So I asked him if it would make him feel better if I came out to my mom. He said yes. It just happened that all this was coming out (no pun intended) while I was home for a weekend visiting my mom. I was leaving the next day, and she had to work, so I walked into my mom's room at midnight (because that seemed like a good idea) and woke her up. I actually scared her awake.
I told her, my voice shaky with nerves, I had something to tell her. She kind of looked at me with her brow furled and said, "Okay." The anticipation loomed in the air for a few seconds while I mustered the courage to tell her. And then I did. It was like ripping off a Band-Aid. (Why is that even a phrase? That hurts like the dickens!)
In that moment, I knew she would never think of me differently, that it was all just in my head. But by this point, I was in rolling tears. She told me she had suspected it for a long time, but didn't want to jump to conclusions. Everyone told me she probably knew, and they were right. But it was still hard. She said she would always love me, no matter what. And for me, that was important to hear. We talked about it for another 30 minutes or so, about why I took so long and my boyfriend at the time, and then went to bed.
In hindsight, telling her at midnight definitely wasn't the best idea, but it worked out in the end. I still don't talk about boys with her, because I don't think she'd be comfortable with it. She didn't really want to meet guy I came out for, and that's okay. He wasn't worth letting him meet her. But hopefully some day I'll find a guy I want her to meet. Only time will tell, my friends.