Looking For The First Time
@sexygaystweet • We've all seeing the HBO show "Looking," right? If you haven't, you need to! Seriously, it's so good. But that's not the point of this post, although I will acknowledge the poignant message of the show. I digress. The point of this post is about my first time having sex.
Let me backtrack a little to my freshman year of college. It was a new experience, as going off to college should be. I was scared and alone. I began looking for something. What it was, I wasn't entirely sure at the time. It took me years to actually figure out that I was looking to find comfort with my sexuality, something the show "Looking" is all about.
I vividly remember sitting outside of my dorm freshman year with a gay friend. I still wasn't entirely comfortable with my sexuality, or else I probably would have asked him out. Every so often, he'd look up and point to a guy in the courtyard. He'd say "he's gay." I asked him how he knew, and he simply pulled out his iPhone and opened Grindr. I was amazed. All the gay men were right there on his phone. Then he proceeded to tell me what it did. I was hesitant to try it, but I eventually downloaded it myself. That's when I first heard the term "looking."
I honestly didn't know how to respond when guys asked me if I was looking, because I honestly didn't know what it meant. Thankfully, someone finally enlightened me. I politely told him no and that I was a virgin. He blocked me. Time and time again, guys would simply stop responding to me once I told them I was still a virgin. What I learned about the gay culture is that you have to have sex to be fully accepted. Obviously, that's not the case at all, but my 18-19-20 year old brain thought so.
But I didn't want my first time to be with a complete stranger. Then I met a guy. We became good friends. I asked him one day if he would be my first. He agreed and came over one night. I wish I could say that it was some kind of special night that only happens in fairytales, but it wasn't. It was actually pretty tame. I bottomed, of course, because I wouldn't have even known how to top. And it didn't last very long, but that's okay. It gave me a bit of confidence, and that's all I really needed to fully immerse myself in the dating game.